The XFL has been brought back to life by none other than The Rock. This means we get to see all of our favorite 3rd string guys that were in the NFL a couple years ago on the gridiron again. It also means we get new franchises to root for, and most importantly new uniforms to rank. With that said I will be ranking the 8 new XFL uniforms.
Tier 4 - What The Fuck? Did A 9 Year Old Design These?
These are the new uniforms for the Orlando Guardians. These are absolutely putrid and they make me want to throw up in my mouth and swallow it and then throw it up again. They remind me a lot of those terrible jerseys Michigan State tried to pull off because of all the neon green. They also remind me of the neon green Nike elite socks that I used to wear in the 6th grade. This team hasn't even played a game yet and they already need a re-brand.
Tier 3 - When You Create A Uniform In Madden But Get Bored Immediately
These are the DC Defenders, they were around the first time the XFL tried to happen but failed because of the pandemic - they made absolutely zero changes to their uniforms since then. Normally I enjoy red in jerseys but this overdoes it. Having no white/grey pants is stupid. I also think it is very corny that every football team in DC is just naming themselves like we are in the middle of a war. As of now my DC uniform power ranking stands at:
Commanders
Defenders
The St Louis Battlehawks at least decided to have two different types of pants. The all grey combo has some promise but overall these are so bland and seems like no effort was put into them at all. I believe I have made both of these sets of uniforms in Madden before because I got bored and couldn't figure out how to make them look cool. Overall these are trash.
Tier 2 - These Jerseys Look Like Under Armour Just Had Extra High School All-American Game Jerseys Laying Around
For some reason I don't mind the Houston Roughnecks' uniforms. I enjoy how they didn't just make the jerseys one solid color. I like the combinations a little bit.
I mean if I ever watch a Vegas Vipers' game I am going to be expecting one of their players to step off the field at any moment and announce what college they are committing too.
Tier 5 - Pretty Much Copied Existing Football Teams/Programs But It Kind Of Works
The Seattle Sea Dragons are destined for a lot of success in this league mainly because they drafted former JMU QB Ben Dinucci. But also these uniforms are not bad, pretty vibrant but not horribly. They look like if the Denver Broncos' uniforms and the Seattle Seahawks uniforms got drunk and had very passionate sex and 9 months later had their own little baby jersey. I'm into them.
The San Antonio Brahmas' have a weird name. Not sure what a Brahma is and I won't look it up. But they made up for their shitty name by crafting some decent uniforms. Once again, I don't understand only having one pair of pants to work with it really limits your uniform options but whatever. I like Cals' uniforms and these are basically them with a hint of WVU so I don't 100% despise them.
The Arlington Renegades by far have the best new uniforms in my eyes. They remind me a lot of the Houston Oilers' uniforms which are a timeless classic and I think everyone would get excited when the Tennessee Titans used to where them twice a season as a throwback jersey. But at the end of the day the best XFL uniforms were the ones that just look like uniforms that already exist. Maybe its a good strategy.
PS - There was no need to give Houston another football team. This will end in disaster(s).
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