The new space jam movie starring LeBron James premiered in Los Angeles last night. Tons of stars were there including Don Cheadle, John Legend, Zendaya (Heart Eyes), and of course the King himself. Pictures of these stars were posted all over social media walking on the red carpet, and of course there were many of Bron Bron. After the premiere, LeBron went to his instagram story and put up a picture of him and his wife, Savannah. Sounds all good, right? Wait till you see the caption the best player in the NBA had to offer.
Thats right. LeBron called himself a DILF. For those who don't know, this is an acronym for "Dad I'd Like to Fuck". I don't have much knowledge about diffs or milfs, but I'm pretty positive you can't declare yourself to be one. Is the King getting a little ahead of himself? A little too cocky in his old age? Does this hurt the argument that LeBron is the goat? I can never imagine Michael Jordan doing something this blasphemous.
Kind of rude of LeBron to assume that I would want to fuck him. Personally, that is something I would never want to do. A big reason for this of course is that I am straight and I do not tangle with men between the sheets. But let's talk about some other reasons.
LeBron does not do well with poor performance.
We've all seen what happens when LeBron is surrounded with people who don't perform to his standards. Examples include Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, David Blatt, and hopefully soon - Kyle Kuzma. What if I get nervous? What if it doesn't go the way he wants it to? What if I get too excited too soon? He would be trading me out of there fast as hell for cash considerations.
2. Cramps
I'd have some minor concerns that the King might've chugged too much water before hand, and his body would start to lock up and cramp. What would I do in that situation? I can't carry him myself. It took TWO people to carry him off the court in the 2014 NBA Finals when his legs cramped up. I can't take that risk and possibly put myself in a rough situation.
3. Flopping
We've all seen how much LeBron loves to flop on the NBA court. Who's to say he wouldn't do that in the bedroom as well? What if I turn it up a notch, he flops and goes flying into the wall and hurts himself? I will not be responsible for causing a career ending injury to the best basketball player of all time. I can't have that on my conscious. The LeBron stans would hunt me down. I can't take all that pressure and bad publicity.
These are the reasons why I would not get down and dirty with LeBron James. I wonder what Nick Wright thinks about this whole situation. I'd assume me and him have very conflicting stances.
P.S. - I am straight.
Great piece, kept me engaged throughout.