Got to work today. I work on the second floor. Walked in, looked over towards the stairs, gave them the middle finger and made my way to the elevators. There's an elevator with it's doors open - and another kid around my age is waiting in it about to go up. Keep in mind that I am AT LEAST 20 feet away from the elevator doors. The kid could've just let the doors shut and we would've avoided all the awkwardness that ensued.
But NO. This polite motherfucker holds the door open for me. Now I gotta power walk my way over to the elevator so I don't feel bad for making him wait. Might be the worst thing in the world.
I know what you might be thinking - that this isn't that bad, that maybe I should be appreciative for his kindness, that I'm just an asshole.
If you were thinking any of those things - you are just straight up wrong.
What you are about to read is the worst thing to happen in an elevator since Ray Rice had too much to drink in Atlantic City. (Had a really difficult time limiting myself to just one Ray Rice joke)
Everyone in the world should know the rules when you are in an elevator with someone you don't know. Pick a corner, act like you are looking at something interesting on your phone, and avoid contact with the enemy at all costs. This fucking philanthropist clearly did not get the memo.
I go and stand with my back to the back right corner of the shaft. I act like I'm scrolling the gram, make some shitty bets, open up the stocks app for the first time and try to figure that shit out. But he just doesn't get the message. I think all is well - and then I hear him start to make a little noise and utter the words, "What kind of car do you drive?". What. The. Fuck.
It's one thing to speak to the random person in the elevator with a question like "How are you" or "How is your day going". But even those questions are far too much.
The AUDACITY on this man was off the charts. That was BY FAR the weirdest question I have been asked by a stranger in such close quarters. It's almost impossible to make an elevator trip only going up 2 floors that uncomfortable, so congratulations to the kid on the weird accomplishment.
America runs on proper elevator etiquette - so please keep this story in mind next time you are traveling vertically.
PS - I will be taking the stairs from now on.
Comentários